As I am trying to redefine the remainder of my life, to say it is difficult is an understatement. I’m finding more negativity. Or maybe it’s finding me. I’ve always been a glass half full type of person. Even though I’ve had many struggles in life, I’ve mostly felt a sense of peace. I’m not finding that these days. I’m finding my days to be filled with more anger, resentment and feelings of helplessness, hopeless and sadness.
Just for the day, I’m choosing to remove myself from the social media world. I don’t know if that’s the answer because I don’t have all of the problem being presented to me. I am making plans to spend more time speaking to God, setting goals, and keeping my thoughts under control.
I cannot hold anyone accountable until I hold myself accountable. I myself am only responsible for me, my thoughts and my actions. I cannot control how others feel or act and quite frankly I’m tired of feeling the need to.
Change for me is difficult. I’m a creature of habit. One who feels that you have to be grounded. You have to have a routine.
Things and people around me are changing. It’s uncomfortable and the less time I spend reading my Bible and conversing with God, the more uncomfortable I get. Why am I so stubborn? Why am I being a lazy Christian? I know the answer. Only I can be the solution.
For me, these blogs are not to get attention or even any interaction, they are a way to hold myself accountable for my actions or lack thereof. Ones that I can honestly look back on and see if I’ve made the necessary changes to be kind, to love others, set goals and achieve them. Ones that will show a pattern of my struggles to define what I was lacking at that time. Where I should have made different decisions.
Throughout my life’s journey, kindness has always mattered. I’m finding myself here of late, not giving the grace that others deserve. I cannot control that others do not extend grace to me. Others do not include me. Others will only continue to use me as long as I allow access.
So this blog may not get published. It’s really for noone but me. Do better, be kinder, spend more time with God and set those goals for yourself girl. You are worth it.
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