Alone-With-My-Thoughts

Writing this word, or even saying it, is shameful. It’s a word thats buried deep inside me some of the most hurtful times in life. Those times in which I chose to stay silent instead of causing “conflict”. Those times that I felt it was better to take the high road so to speak. Maybe because I didn’t feel my point was valued, wanted or needed. Or could it have been that, I felt arguing my point made as much sense as it did mopping up the tides as they come in off of the sea? Whatever the reason, I’m learning and correcting what I believe to be learned (maybe even generational) behaviors.

My mom is the example of always being kind over speaking up for herself and sometimes even her own children. She never until later years spoke up to my dad’s controlling nature. Those times that she did speak up, even in later years, were very few and far in between.

This is a prime example of times that anger me. When you are raising children your job is to set examples so that the children around you are able to go out in the wild world and fight for what is right morally and biblically. Learning to defend yourself against those that continue to create physical, emotional, mental or economical damage is something that is taught at a young age and continues throughout your life. Not that I don’t believe that you can make those changes, it is much more difficult at a later stage in life than learning in your childhood years.

So for now, I’m focusing on me.