Alone-With-My-Thoughts

What would your perfect night be? Would it be a shopping trip with a friend? A nice dinner and movie with a date? Visiting relatives whom you haven’t seen in a bit? Maybe just a late night drive by yourself on some back roads, the windows down, the sounds of crickets and frogs and the radio blaring your favorite tunes? Whatever that perfect night is, do you sit around and hope it happens or do you make it happen? That’s a hard one for me to answer. I often find myself wishing upon a star when in reality, my happiness, my future, my perfect nights depend on me.

Does life get so busy raising kids, working and just going through the day to day grind that you forget to make time for your perfect nights?

I’m now learning to embrace the “ME” time. Don’t get me wrong, I loved raising my family. It was the biggest and best accomplishment in my life. I lived and learned. I fell, failed and at times, wondered if I was really cut out for the job of being a single mom and provider. At times, I really got in my head and wondered if the decisions I was making were really the right ones. Guess what I never did though? I never gave up. Was it easy? Well it depends on how you look at it. Some times were easier than others. I remember breathing a sigh of relief when my youngest graduated high school. It was going to be easier now right? No more worrying if the school work was done, if the clothes were picked up, no more disciplining or worrying if I had given them the pertinent guidance in order for them to be successful and productive members of society. Let me just say, I did a good job. They are all thoughtful, loving and hard working. I couldn’t be more proud. The worries that come after they become adults surpasses anything I ever incurred during their childhood days. It’s all a control thing. I pray you never have to deal with that.  I am learning (yes I’m a little slow in that area) to let go and let God. Decisions.

The decision to love myself is anything but selfish. Self love is imperative to a healthy new you. To truly love and respect yourself, you have to, in my opinion, search deep sometimes. I’m finding that continually stuffing all of my feelings, hopes and dreams is not only limiting me but also whomever it is meant for me to encourage, love and guide in God’s plan. I’m finding this new territory to be emotionally filled. Often I think it’s an out of body experience but, in a way I guess, it is because I am becoming more Christ like. I like that feeling.

It all starts with one decision. Choosing to make changes in my life and follow God’s guidance was the first and best decision for the rest of my life. Choose wisely. You have but one life to live. The days are long but the years are short. Blessings.