Alone-With-My-Thoughts

I thought what was a restless night wasn’t too bad until early morning. My mind and heart are heavy. My words are few.

Speaking has never been my strongest point yet I’m usually not without words. If that makes sense to the average person. Is this when I’m supposed to be listening? Light bulb just came on!!!!!

God has NEVER left me. He’s carried me, walked beside me and been my true friend for as long as I can remember. I’ve always just been full force. Going in my own direction. What I thought was best. I’ve never just stopped to listen. Man what anxiety does this cause me. This is what I’m being called to do but I need God to quiet my mind. Give me peace, love and understanding. It’s going to require more faith. Faith that surpasses all things. God has never let me down.

When I can’t sleep, I often play the KJV Bible on audible. Last night/early morning was no different. So in the wee hour of 3am, I turn to one of my favorites…Job. The adversities that Job endured always reminds me that if he can endure all of that and never lose site of just how faithful God is, who am I to complain or worry about whatever I am going thru. It played throughout  the whole book of Job and I awakened at 6am, feeling a sense of a restful night’s sleep. As I waited for my alarm to go OFF, I scrolled thru emails and social media while still listening to the Bible. On a side note, I’ve always been one to multi-task. I often wonder if my multi-tasking is a result of not allowing myself the down time for my brain to fully relax, compute or resolve all that often goes on from within. Nonetheless Psalm 12 and 13 played. Loud and clear. Not because the volume increased, but because it was what I’ve been praying about. What I’ve been crying over. What has had me in such a deep state of despair. Was this a coincidence? I in no way believe that to be the case. God is listening. He is working on not just my behalf but to so many that have/are going through the same thing.

Politics. Let’s just say, I have refrained all of my life to not get involved in that. Not that I don’t believe there are those called for the task of running for office or serving on a board/committee. I’m finding though that as I thought, maybe this was my calling, (you know to serve as a Christian), it is not much more than a bunch of adults who have yet to graduate out of the elementary/middle school years. The name calling, the mud slinging, down right nastiness and often untruths that are being spread is shocking. All with the intentions of gaining or keeping power. I feel that the citizens are only, not being represented, but are in fact in a bitter bitter custody battle wherein one parent is angry and will do whatever it takes to make the other parent “pay”. While the other parent is just wanting the “win” factor. The end result, the children (citizens) are the ones being left to suffer the wrath of the non-custodial parent. Now I’m NOT saying it’s a Republican or it’s a Democrat that is primarily doing this. It is overall, at least in my area, both parties, equally engaging in this behavior.

When I started writing this, the title derived from a place of feeling alone, not being heard and wondering when God was going to answer and how. As I finish this, I have my answer. Just stop, look and listen. It comes when you least expect it. Always on time though. Just in time to give me hope. Blessings.