Alone-With-My-Thoughts

What a wonderful word. A word that doesn’t quite fit in much of today’s society however, I’m having faith that it will have a strong comeback.

The older I get, the more I look for the kinder, softer and more gentle ways of life. To bring hope to others during difficult times (or really just in general). I believe that is what God has called us to do.

Have you ever been introduced to pure evil? It’s disheartening isn’t it? One would speculate that the individual has been introduced to some terrible things and/or people in their lives. Do you think that people are born evil? I really don’t. I believe that we all are born in the image of God but then humanity happens.  If there isn’t anything spiritually indoctrinated into us, a compilation of all the worldly pleasures and distractions will consume us into believing wrong is right and right is wrong.

Just for today, what if you spoke to one person that you don’t know, about how a personal relationship with God has changed your life. What if, when any negativity begins to take over your thoughts or conversations, you spoke a positive in its place. Subconsciously, I think over time, your demeanor would change.

Have you ever felt like all you do is complain? Take a look at what’s being poured into you and your daily conversations and activities.

I have for as long as I can remember, liked investigating. Trying to figure out how something works. Looking for clues to solve a “mystery” or problem. Maybe some would call it inquisitive. I like that word. I like to watch the ID channel. I like to watch mystery movies/shows. I recently realized that in my daily activities I was consuming a lot of time watching these type of shows. I also noticed the changes in my mood lately. Very irritable, anxious, tired, and feeling sad and lonely even with others around. I had to look at what was going on around me and what I was allowing to consume my every day life. I realized it wasn’t healthy for me to continue to watch certain things on tv. I wanted to know more and obviously the tv isn’t going to give you anything more than what they perceive to be the true story. It was taking me down rabbit holes that I had no place being.

I am also a “fixer”. A fixer of broken things and people (you can’t actually “fix” people, I know that). Saving all the good in both and trying to make it whole again. To be honest, I just find other’s life stories interesting. I am a biography reader/watcher. I think all of these things play a part in why I have stayed at the same job going on 25 years now.

I have realized that those around me who opened up their hearts about their everyday life struggles, felt comfortable with me. They were looking for a safe space. They were looking for someone who cared. I do care and feel extremely honored that they are willing to share their deepest feelings and know they won’t be judged. I mean let’s face it, I have learned a few things over the years and “judge not, lest ye be judged” (Matthew 7:1) is one thing that I continually keep my self in check on.

With all that is going on, I have had to take a step back and focus on me. Focus on what I could do differently to not feel burnout, sad, angry or helpless. I’ve had to not care less, just care differently. I hope that those around me will know and accept the change. I cannot “fix” anyone. It’s not my responsibility. I can only continue to listen. I can only do better to be better. Love to be loved and be friendly to have friends. Just for today.